our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
