i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks