Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
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Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face