listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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