the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
