I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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