Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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