I can't watch pbs sober anymore
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
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Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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