i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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