WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
