i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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