Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
