I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
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I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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