using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
