i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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