it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
