Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
