Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
