The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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