ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
