pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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