I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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