forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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