i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I will be naked everywhere
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize