Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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