she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
