The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
