I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I met the friendliest cop last night
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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