So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
