just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
