So drunk its hurt
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize