If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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