i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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