I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
