Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
