the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
