omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
