Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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