I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
