All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
no you cant smoke seaweed
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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