dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
