Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
soo... how was my night?
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