i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize