1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
