i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
