She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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