I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
