Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
