when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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