airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
