There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
