Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
