Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
