things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
