My underwear smells like fireworks.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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