I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
