Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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