I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
