how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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