what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
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Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The uberlube is also flammable
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
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I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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