Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
