she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
